Monday, August 27, 2007

Super Bad? More Like Barely Bad

This weekend I decided to forget about the fact that I'm a 30 something year old woman and went to see a film clearly aimed at a teenage market, "Super Bad." And as my thirty something year old boyfriend and I laughed ourselves to tears along with the twenty something year olds and teenagers in the audience, I found myself mulling over the thought that always seems to come to mind when I see a film of this nature. And that is, "Man, I really missed out on a lot in high school." Oh and, "Teenage girls are way hotter, way more sexually aggressive, and way more whory these days." That's more of a second thought. But seriously, if I had to chose between being a teenage boy today and a teenage boy 15 years ago, I'm gonna go with today.

I realize that I'm basing my experiences against those fictionalized by hired Hollywood writers, so I may be being a little hard on myself, but still. Those stories had to come from somewhere, right? I was such a freak'in Goodie Goodie. Looking back, I wish I would have dared to live life a little more. I mean sure, I 'm not talking about becoming a permenant member of the burn outs that smoked around the corner every morning before school, but would it have killed me to share a cigarette with them once and awhile? Or, smoked a cigarette at all? "Oh no! I may become instantly addicted and then how would I explain my 3 pack a day habit to my parents!?!?" Would it have killed me to be truant once in a while? Drink alcohol before turning 21? Or dare I even say it, get a fake ID and try to BUY alcohol or get into a club? Perhaps, embrace the fact that I was blessed with big boobs and dress a little sexier instead of hiding behind clothing that was 3 sizes too big? Geez, and I wonder why it was so hard to get dates back then.

Even when I was somewhat part of "bad deeds" it was always from the sidelines. I was never the one who like, "Yeah, let's get a hall pass and wander around outside of class longer than it takes to go to the bathroom" or "Sure, let's steal people's lawn decorations as part of our scavenger hunt" or "Let's go get drunk off of Boone's Farm in a field near a cemetery!" I may have gone along with those "oh so horrible" deeds, but it was only so I could continue to fit in. I was always secretly afraid that I would hear the police cars screeching to a halt to take us all to jail at any moment. I still can't believe that I was invited to and attended a party with an actual female stripper. Although, it was Vegas and the girl did get really pissed and refused to strip anymore as soon as she caught on that nobody at the party was actually over the age of 21. And even though she was a stripper and didn't exactly have a upstanding job like a legal secretary or something, I still was concerned that she was going to call the police on us all and we'd all go to prison for seeing naked boobies or something. I wish I had had the balls that the girl who hired the stripper did. She yelled obscenities at her in the bathroom for 20 minutes and then refused to pay her since she barely even stripped.

I spent so many of my formative years growing up in fear. Fear of getting in trouble and fear of getting caught. And to this day, it's still taken me quite a while to live up to that bad girl that I kind of secretly wished I was, but just can't completely be. Or sure, by now I've gotten drunk, broken in to a private pool and went skinny dipping, attended a party that the police busted up, and even stole a dish from a restaurant along with doing a few other "bad things." I just wish I had been brave enough to start earlier. I suppose that's better than never starting at all. Although, I still won't park illegally.

Oh, and ummm, you guys won't turn me into the police for doing all that bad stuff, right? Cause, I'll take you down with me. Don't think I won't. Cause, I'm just that bad now!

3 comments:

Annie said...

Well, being a true nerd, now, then, and always, I think it's better on the sidelines when shit is going down.
I always got a horrible queasy feeling in my stomach when I did something bad/illegal in high school. It wasn't a rush for me. I remember getting a group of my girlfriends to help me tee-pee my boyfriend's house because he didn't call me. Later that night he and his friends egged all of our houses. How did I retaliate? I drove over to his house to make up. Got caught by his mom who screamed at me for 20 minutes. I never ratted him out to her and I helped his mom put the trash out. Because I don't have it. I don't have the bad girl gene. Although thinking about that story pisses me off still. Oh well. I handled that break-up very poorly. So maybe we're even...

Robb said...

Being the infallible angel of virtue that I am, I've wondered about this myself. But actually, I don't really have any specific regrets about being "bad", I just wish I'd had the self confidence then to not second guess every single thing I ever did or felt. But then, that is what being a teenager is about. Yeah, it would have been nice had I been perfect right out of the package, but if I had been I bet I wouldn't appreaciate how perfect I am now. Now I can see how far I've come, instead of just getting spoiled rotten and becoming an emotional egotist, sort of like Paris Hilton but without all the cash.

Besides, it is never too late to be bad. When you come down and visit me maybe we can get rebellious and drink Bud Light from cans. Or we can bake cookies and eat some BEFORE dinner. Or even, if we are feeling spectacularly reckless, wait to put our seatbelts on until we are leaving the parking lot! Dang, my heart is racing already!

Robb said...

And PS, yes, it WOULD have killed you to share cigarettes with the burn outs. I'm a nurse, trust me, you don't want to go down that road.